Coping with Coronavirus

Today marks day four of election week and now more than ever we are faced with the proof that our country is divided. While we don't all agree on the numerous issues facing our world, we do have to live in it together. So how do we identify commonalities amongst our neighbors and moreover how do we define our own identity in an era where who you vote for says it all? Where do we go from here? Think about your thoughts Beliefs and values make up the core of who you are, so we tend to dig in and defend whenever challenged. Taking time to reflect on the origin of your inner monologue is a healthy exercise in understanding yourself, and that's where it starts. Life experiences, education, family, travel and ones surroundings all play an integral part in molding the person you become as an adult. Think about a thought, how does it make you feel? Does the feeling evoke an emotion? Does the emotion translate into an action? Why? Is it right or wrong? The answer you'll likely find is a recipe made up of ingredients that speak to your soul. Embracing your thoughts is a beautiful thing. Becoming open to changing your mind or considering other sources of thought is a beautiful thing. There's no right or wrong, just understanding. Consider the source All information is not created equally -- nor are people. As you take time to understand yourself on a deeper level you probably realize the web of complexity in your identity is beyond the scope of your imagination. True then, is the complexity of others. When you are open you are able to shift to an empathic view of humanity and your community. You'll certainly never find someone exactly the same as you, but who wants that anyways? Learning is growing and when people come together and share openly, everyone wins. Don't be a hater Some things you hear or read simply hurt. Remember, hurt people hurt others, it's the cyclical trauma reaction and will always lead to more pain. If you've done the work to better understand yourself as well as others then you already know that engaging in this type of behavior is good for no one. The power you wield is limited to changing yourself and only yourself. Fight the urge to fall into the knee jerk reaction that anger and hatred boil to the surface. When you feel this way, ask yourself one simple question "does this serve me?". Focus back on your surroundings There's a reason our brains don't focus on negative implications from around the world -- if we did it would consume us. When you start feeling anxious about the bigger picture and broader consequences, take a deep breath and shift focus to your present self. When you pivot back to your space and the part of the world you walk in every day, you become more grounded. You are not helpless in your world, in fact you weave the fabric that makes up the world, for yourself, your family and your community. It's this shift that brings peace so you can live a more balanced and healthy life. Cancel Cancel Culture You can't change people but people do change. We change all the time! Maybe not in the way you hope and maybe not for the better but keeping an open mind about someone else's growth is important. We all make mistakes and sometimes we do get better. Don't count anyone out, after all, you wouldn't want that for yourself. United we stand - together we thrive. Since you can't smile at a stranger with your mask, practice a non-creepy wink and move forward in the beautiful world we are lucky to live in.

One of the most impactful career transitions will the one merging your new identity as a mom or dad to your old identity at work. One, you're just navigating for the first time, the other you may have spent years building and for all intents and purposes are tied to by your need for productivity, social interaction and financial stability. Whether you are away for two weeks or one year these waters are not easily navigable. How do you make the crucial decisions between welcoming your beautiful new baby to the world and transitioning back to your role as a full-time worker? Start with a work plan. Emotions aside, you probably have a pretty good idea of what to expect in terms of your granted maternity/paternity leave, when you'll be back and what the scope of work will be when you return. Set your dates early and decide if you will be available while away or fully offline. Remember, this is your decision, don't take it lightly. If you want to take your time to be fully engrossed with your growing family, set those boundaries sooner than later. You can make it easier by creating transition plans with your counterparts that outline all outstanding projects, their status and what's coming next. Meet with your team, get them informed, make introductions and take a deep breath. Lock in the childcare plan early. Childcare plans can take months in some cases, so jump on it while you're early in your pregnancy. So much weight will be lifted off your shoulders once this step is complete. A few things to consider are; if you have family nearby who will be a part of your plan, your budget, the flexibility to work from home some days. From there, most decide between a daycare or a nanny for full-time or supplemental care. Daycare comes in all forms from large and age segmented, to small in-house setups, from structured and preparedness minded to free-play and approaching kids from a multi-learning methodology. Nannies are typically more fluid in terms of matching your planned approach and can be available a few hours a week to full-time, even living in your home and helping with household chores. No matter what you choose, finding the right match can take a while since daycare's have long waiting lists and good nannies are on high demand. You should also consider a babysitter for the occasional evening off or extra help when needed (think moving or family events). Enjoy and be kind to yourself. Leading up to maternity leave with my first daughter, I was all too aware of the work I would be jumping back into, thinking about the sleep deprivation and physical/emotional changes I would be going through, it was easy to get overwhelmed and panicked. Then one day I decided to change how I was viewing my twelve-week leave. Instead of a short, stressful stint I began referring to mat leave as Summer vacation. I began planning moments to enjoy the time with my new baby, like lounging outside in the warm sun, taking walks, doing belly time in our apartment, windows open and a fresh breeze filling the space. Suddenly I was excited... elated even. Yes, there are difficult times with newborns, but seeing the glass half full was a way I could give myself a break. Once my thoughts and feelings changed about my leave time, my actions changed, too. I felt energetic and free, just because I allowed myself to be. Be flexible if plans change. You may find yourself wanting to stay home longer than your original plans allow. Thinking about what that would look like can help alleviate stress and allow you to make an informed decision. Remember, there is always a compromise if your ideal scenario is not feasible. Perhaps you begin looking for a new role that allows you to be home more often, or for your work/life balance to shift. This can be daunting, the thought of interviewing for a new role with the intent to work less and be more family focused... the good news is, it's very common and in many cases you're bringing a lot of experience to a role with less responsibilities giving the employer an advantage since you will likely take on the work with no problem. Don't be afraid to be transparent about the boundaries that you will be setting as well as the expertise you will be bringing to the role. More likely than not, it will be an easy sell. Hire a life coach. This is one of the best times to invest in a coach who can help you set and stick to your goals while enjoying parenthood and remaining fulfilled in your life. Every life transition is stressful, but it's also exciting and can become a time you'll never forget. Opening this new chapter allows you to grow and find your place in the world as a mom or dad. The best part is, a good life coach will teach you tools in a few short months, to self-coach and take your optimum outlook into the next new phases of life over the coming years.

These trying times are unprecedented and unplanned and can put you in a place of negativity and resentment. It's clear, Coronavirus does not just infect the bodies of those diagnosed, but the minds of many, spreading just as rapidly through an array of mediums as through droplets. You've seen the projections, the CDC recommendations and the responses from people around the world... Ask yourself the question: What is causing me stress about this situation? Are you angry at the idiots not staying in and going out to the bars? Are you helpless to your workplace response and changes to your career? Do you think it's a hoax and that we should all just relax? Whatever it is, how is your answer to the question above serving you? There are many ways to react to the current pandemic, are any of them right or wrong? Who are you to decide that? Even if you are SURE you are right, will the masses ever fall in line and act accordingly? Of course not, we cannot control what people think or do, only our own thoughts and our own actions. We will all make the decisions we feel are best for ourselves today, and there is a lot of noise interfering with our intuitions. Not to mention, self-doubt and the fear of making a mistake. Remember, you are in control of your thoughts and only you can set them on the right track to better fuel your feelings and your actions. If you need to make a decision, make it today. No matter how you're adjusting to the new landscape of social distancing and staying well, there will be decisions to be made that will allow you to move forward. So, what do you really want to do? Great, do it. Don't procrastinate because you're afraid of the result. Don't judge yourself when you have new information and your decision is no longer the best for you and your family. You only have control over what you can do today, accept that, take a breath and keep living. If you are reeling over other people's decisions, stop it. The fact that we as humans can practice free will is a beautiful thing. Just like with any topic, we all do not agree... and that's ok. Allowing other people's thoughts and actions to seep into your day and create bitterness and indignation, is not what you need when you're navigating your own life. People think and do things all the time that we don't agree with, but we don't allow it to ruin our day normally, so why should we now? If you're forced to make a transition, embrace it. While it may not be what you expected, this is a short-term situation and if you are happy with your current workplace you will get it back in good time. Until then, taking action to find yourself in a new opportunity should not wait. There are several businesses suffering right now, however there are many that are growing rapidly and need immediate help. Where can you pivot to ensure you are taking advantage of the new world and not sinking in disparity for the foreseeable future? Perhaps this is even an open door to discover a new path you otherwise would not have considered. Think about your thoughts. When the stress begins to build again, take a step back and consider the original question. Ask yourself why and allow yourself to accept your thoughts and make changes to better your mental health. If it becomes too difficult, don't be afraid to ask for help, there are several professionals namely in the counseling, therapeutic and coaching fields taking on these very matters. You are not alone.

Dealing with difficult people is a part of life, how you handle it of course shows your truest character. When those people are driving your day-to-day success, not to mention your environment, it can become much more challenging. However, consider some food for thought; there are no bad bosses, just bad responses. They've laid out a path that is not necessarily easier, but won't it feel that much more of an achievement when you overcome the hurdle and come out the other end? Here are some high-road suggestions to turn your misery into the next opportunity. DON'T check your integrity at the door Your knee-jerk reaction might be to do just that... react and turn an uncomfortable conversation into a drag out war. When you're working with a superior that is painfully direct, yells or uses foul language, it can be easy to internalize and take the exchange personally. Bottom line, it will never serve you to become insubordinate nor will it result in a change in behavior on their behalf. It is monumentally important to always maintain a professional and respectful attitude, which can be done while getting your message across. Take a moment to evaluate the way you are feeling during a heated moment, ask yourself why? When you find your answer, accept it. You may feel anxious, small or treated unfairly... and that's ok. Will that moment be important 5 days from now? A year? Not likely. Hold your head up high, remember it's not personal and do your best to remain cool and collected. Empathize It can be so tempting to solidify disdain and pull out the pitchfork and torches when you feel hurt. Living in that energy can be very detrimental to your growth, both in the workplace and as a human. Instead, attempt to understand where your boss's style is coming from. Put yourself in their shoes and take a walk around. Are they put in impossible positions from leadership? Perhaps they are the punching bag for anything that goes wrong in your organization. Maybe it's even deeper; something going on with their life outside of work including relationships, health or general happiness. Of course, it doesn't excuse bad behavior but it may give you a glimpse into the meaning behind it. By running through this exercise, you see the big bad wolf as a person and can move forward with greater understanding. Learn their language Understanding what makes them tick is great, learning the pattern for which they articulate it, takes things one step further. Understand where they lose interest and where they maintain focus, so you can shape your communication to fit their preferences. No, I am not saying kiss their ass, that won't work anyways. Simply put forth some effort to hold their attention when you have a message that needs to get across. Mirror their style and language (while keeping your integrity intact), so they feel understood. Celebrate their wins When things are going well for your superiors there is a trickle-down effect, adversely routing for failure on their behalf will not do you any good. When there is a win (which I'm betting there will be if they've found themselves in a leadership role), don't hold back your genuine praise -- after all, you have to see the value, even if you don't necessarily like it. Celebrating wins will in turn strengthen your rapport, which makes things easier in the long run. Speak up If you're experiencing more than a strong personality that simply rubs you the wrong way, it may be time to take action. If you are witnessing or receiving abuse in the workplace, it is not acceptable. You may fear what speaking up could mean for your career and that's fair, but you have a responsibility to other employees who may be dealing with the same thing. Whether it's violence, sexual misconduct, bigotry or otherwise, document specific events and report it to HR. If things aren't moving quickly enough, which sadly can sometimes be the case, it may be time to consider pivoting away from this environment as your mental health and personal well-being should always come first. Strong people in leadership roles are often shown their employees true colors, which can be ugly. Often, it proves their assumptions about what's lacking in their organization and creates a feedback loop that is positively reinforcing their judgments. By enacting the recommendations above, you rise above and stay one step ahead to anticipate a storm. This will surprise them and believe it or not, may result in change. I personally have seen this in almost every role I've worked in, and it can feel very rewarding and add value to your strengths.

In business and in life we are making judgments routinely about everything and everyone around us. Becoming aware and mindful of these judgments is all the rage, and can be established through training, meditation and many other means of inward assessment. But what about the unconscious judgments that are more difficult to pinpoint? Most of us have been molded by our childhood experiences which has left a foundation of notions that may go against what we consciously reject or support in our adult lives. Scientists have learned that we only have conscious access to five percent of our brains, leaving most of our brain work to occur on the unconscious level where negative associations may be held. This is called implicit bias, and it does not mean people are hiding their prejudices, they simply do not know they have them. How might this show up in your workplace or life? While many people consider themselves to be unprejudiced, a majority hold some degree of implicit bias. Have you found yourself gravitating to thought leaders that are more like yourself? Do you find it difficult to support individuals in their ideas and contributions even though you feel open and eager to embrace them? Perhaps there are no signs, but the first step in knowing your level of implicit bias is getting to know yourself . Take a self-assessment Project Implicit (Harvard University) has a free online test to measure biases and perceptions. The self-assessment raises awareness of hidden biases and the pervasive role culture plays in our lives. Learn about yourself Take a moment to reflect on your own historical roots, beliefs and values. What did your surroundings look like as a child and were there prevalent impacts to your judgment about others -- even if you rejected them? I myself grew up in a predominately white, blue collar city where racial prejudices were common. I had trouble with this when I was young and pushed back on my community to be more equality minded. When I took the self-assessment I tested as more favorable to other races, which was eye opening but drew right back to my past experiences. Consider how these impacts may still permeate in the back of your mind and how they may surface today, explicitly or in ways that could show up as over-correcting. The more self-awareness you gain, the more biases are reduced. Expose yourself to different cultures and diverse groups By traveling, seeking insights through research or attending events where you will meet people from different backgrounds you will enhance your cultural competence and gain a fuller understanding of those that are unfamiliar to you. By being willing to self-examine and take risks necessary to change your attitudes and behaviors you become a more well-rounded individual. This ripples into every facet of life and can set the stage for new success paths you may not have been aware of otherwise.

Whether you're striving for continued career success, starting out as an entrepreneur or making a big transition, it can be easy to find yourself filling up the calendar and putting in nights and weekends to get ahead of your lofty goals. After all, it feels good to be busy, it gives one a sense of importance and productiveness. You may find yourself saying "yes" to any commitment that comes your way, to take advantage of opportunities while they're available. Yet, before you know it you are exhausted, irritable and impulsive. You may even find yourself looking for quick fixes to buffer the imbalance you've created; like over-drinking, over-eating or other self-destructive behaviors. Here are some warning signs to watch out for and some re-balancing tips to fill your cup back up. Warning Sign #1: The relationships you hold dear are beginning to degrade In the midst of your hustle you've become overloaded and now it's showing up in your personal life. If you think you may be burned out, take a moment to evaluate your relationships including loved ones, friendships and your children -- how is it going? Have you been available, present and capable of enjoying your time with them? Are there new conflicts or occasions of guilt you've been avoiding? You'll know you've crossed the line from hard worker to over-worker when the important people in your life begin to feel it. Sure, you're on-the-go and have a lot on your plate, they should understand it's nothing personal... right? Try to see things from their perspective, it can be very hurtful when someone you love is stressed, anxious and emotionally unavailable. Even someone using their phone while you're spending time together can sting, so imagine the impact of something bigger. Warning Sign #2: You're a mess You may look put together and continue to do the mandatory 'polish' to show up as a professional in your day-to-day, but a tell tale sign the pendulum is starting to swing too far in one direction is sloppy, disorganized surroundings. How's your office space? Your car? Your kitchen? When your space starts to fall apart it's like the universe is telling you YOU'RE falling apart, and it can be a source of unnecessary angst. Worse yet, if other chores are slipping through the cracks (bills, yard work, dog care...etc.) your mental capacity for peace starts to rapidly decrease. Warning Sign #3: Bad habits are becoming the norm As your cup runneths dry you'll begin looking for scraps of pleasure to keep from toppling over and spilling on the floor. This looks different for everyone but can include over-drinking, over or under-eating, engaging in inappropriate relationships or entertaining new unhealthy habits like smoking or relying on drugs (prescribed or otherwise). Along with these buffer activities comes the, oh so enjoyable, guilt, shame and negative thoughts (aka temporary depression) which can be scary as these routines become more habitual and less provisional. Tip #1: Create necessary guard rails and boundaries "One of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time, more time to be fully present." -Oprah Getting time back is something you will likely need to work at if you've found yourself in a situation where you've become over-worked, but it's something you need to realize, you deserve. If you work for yourself it could be as easy as scheduling time to NOT work, or to end work every day at the same time, regardless of the tasks still left to cross off your list. If you've buried yourself within a greater organization, though, you'll need to begin having crucial conversations to re-set expectations of your counterparts and implement a new attitude going forward. This may seem like a hard sell, but here's your justification for any elevator pitch you're creating: "By doing x, y & z, I will be more focused, energized and productive during my working hours." Finding the areas where you can pull-back is step one. Step two is to redefine the prioritization of your current workload. Outlining the parameters of what you will and will not do going forward is the last and perhaps most important step. This is not the time to let your disorganization get the best of you, put it in a presentation if it helps, but be clear in these conversations and outline the ROI for your mental health. If you are still not being heard or your company is simply being inflexible despite understanding, you may need to consider a change... after all, what is the value of this job if you are not a valued individual. Tip #2: Spark joy This tip is two-fold. First, Marie Kondo your life and get organized. Clean your space, de-clutter and find a new appreciation for the key places you spend your life. Next, begin to make time for the people and activities you enjoy the most. Schedule get-togethers with friends and date nights with your significant other. Plan weekend activities for the family that everyone will enjoy like picnics, museums, shows or fairs. Don't, and I repeat DON'T forget about activities for yourself, pick up old hobbies or start new ones, it's never too late. Give yourself permission to fill your cup; for me, I love to sing and making time to get out the speaker and mic alongside YouTube karaoke is just as therapeutic as it is fun... don't overthink it. Finally, take extra time to breath in the moment and experience gratitude, this can be achieved through Yoga or meditation or by simply tapping into your self-awareness throughout the day. Tip #3: Get help If you have found yourself in a deep pattern of over-working and unhealthy buffering and change seems like an impossible task, don't go it alone, seek help from a professional and find partnership in the solution. One important piece of advice is to not feel discouraged if your selected route isn't helping... these things take time and require some work on your part in finding the right fit. Interview therapists, try out community groups, inquire for recommendations from people you trust, and be patient. In a generation of instant gratification, we have to assess the value putting extra work into the process will have on your future. After all, isn't over-working how you got here in the first place? You're probably good at it. If you are in crisis or you think you may have an emergency, call your doctor or 911 immediately. If you're having suicidal thoughts, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to talk to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area at any time (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline). If you are located outside the United States, call your local emergency line immediately.

It's the most common interview question: describe your strengths and weaknesses. We all have an answer ready to go, and our weaknesses in all actuality sound like strengths - what a bonus for any interviewer. While this technique is touted as the best way to go to get the job, aren't we doing ourselves an injustice by not flagging our weaknesses and finding suitable work to develop our born talents? What are your strengths? Do you feel energized when you're presenting or when you're mining data for a high visibility project? Maybe you are a great salesperson or are meticulous with story-telling through the perfect deck. Either way, you likely have a good understanding of what you're good at and what, we'll say, doesn't bring you joy. Or do you? Studies show that many professionals are in fact blind to their talents, often ending up in positions or roles that aren't a good fit and leave them feeling incompetent. Some fear their talents are a threat to others or are afraid of becoming proud or arrogant. Talents, however, help us achieve our goals and require application, hard work and a little risk taking to achieve excellence. There are great resources to help identify your strengths, including the Strengthsfinder online test from Gallup. If you're unsure, here are some tips in identifying your talents: You have a passion, a fascination or a yearning for it When completing a task while practicing it you fell a deeper satisfaction You experience rapid learning, potentially as a child but even now You're good at it, perhaps you've had the opportunity to apply your talent and you've already seen glimpses of excellence Great, do we have to talk about weaknesses? Bottom line is, yes, we do. Everyone has them and it's a myth we can push them aside or make them go away by fixing them. While we can work to improve our weaknesses there will always be limits to what you can do, it's important to accept this and reflect. Here are tell tale signs that something is in fact a weakness: You feel defensive or even obsessive about it You've experienced slow learning, likely started as a child but it probably never changed into adulthood You're experiencing low confidence You simply don't like doing it You suffer burnout while practicing it Achieving Excellence The ultimate goal is to hone your natural abilities into sharp, high-performing strengths so they become second nature... and that takes practice. By doing the work and creating awareness around your talents something truly magical can happen... your weaknesses become easier to manage. Weaknesses will never go away, but if they're driving a large portion of your life right now, something has to change. Don't get me wrong, there's no shame in developing new skills and working on facets of your life that you've struggled with in the past - this can be a beautiful thing, you just don't want to live there. Identifying and growing your talents are a much more fulfilling place to be.